Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
