OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what day is it and did you see me today?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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