I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
