dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
