you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize