I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
please come you make the beer taste better
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
