I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
