4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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