Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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