Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found the puke drawer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
