her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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