There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
