Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
