You work out of a Hotel?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
