where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize