: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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