he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize