You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize