As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
