he shaved USA in his pubs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
