whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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