everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My vagina just recognized that song.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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