Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
