Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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