in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize