Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
