Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
