Umm I'm too high to move.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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