eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
