I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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