i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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