she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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