i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
