i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
