This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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