My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
