you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
