i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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