just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
