She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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