wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
