Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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