Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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