Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize