So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
