i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
