just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
