and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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