Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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