Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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