1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
