Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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