The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
