cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
