I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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