I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In America we eat man semen.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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