apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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