yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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