I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And then he peed in my hair
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