Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
