just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize