May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
