i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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