so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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