please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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