yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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