My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize