There was a lot of him and a little penis
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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