it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
