Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
