Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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