chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
