Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
