I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
