i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The ass gains better be worth it
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