I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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