Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
