Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
