If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
