I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
