please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
