Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
