He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
