Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
