She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
