another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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