I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
