The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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