The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
