Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
