they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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