Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
