I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize