I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
