I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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