I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Your cock deserves a montage
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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