i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
