we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
